Getting the Most from Your Family Readiness Group (FRG)

Program Overview

(NOTE:) The FRG serves as a wellspring of mutual concern and support for military families, the guidelines for FRG also serve well for Wives of Military.
Tips for getting the most from your Family Readiness Group (FRG).

• What is a Family Readiness Group?
• Getting to know the group
• If you don't live near the installation
• If your service member is in a special operations or Special Forces unit
• Fitting in and staying close
• Other resources

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Military family life has its own challenges and customs -- even its own language. Learning the ropes can sometimes seem overwhelming. Fortunately, your Family Readiness Group is available to help. The following information will help you understand what a Family Readiness Group does and how to become involved.

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What is a Family Readiness Group?
Family Readiness Groups (FRGs) are made up of Soldiers and civilians assigned to the unit and their family members (immediate and extended) and other loved ones identified by the Soldier. They are overseen by the unit commander. The FRG serves as a wellspring of mutual concern and support for military families. The group also provides important deployment and training information, social outlets, and help during family emergencies.

Your FRG is different from other spouse "clubs," which are mainly social. The FRG is an official program and serves as the communication link between your family and the unit.

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Getting to know the group
When you first arrive at a unit, getting to know your FRG can be a challenge. Changing units, moving, deployment, shyness -- all can play a part in keeping some families out of the loop. But with some patience, time, and effort, you'll find it easier to become involved. The rewards -- including new friends, access to advice from more experienced military families, and reliable, current information -- can be tremendous.

Becoming comfortable with the group can be easier if you keep the following suggestions in mind:

First FRG meetings
Find out about any FRG meetings and try to attend. Once you arrive at a new unit, your new chain of command or FRG leader should contact you if they have your contact information. You can also ask your service member to find out when the group will meet next. The following tips can help you become more comfortable:

• If possible, ask your spouse to attend with you, or have him introduce you to some of the family members beforehand. The support will help you mingle better.

• Be attentive and take notes. It's important to write down important training, deployment, and social dates. Bring a small calendar with you to meetings, and post a calendar with training dates at home on your refrigerator. Be sure to write in pencil -- training dates sometimes change. Colorful, small adhesive note squares are a simple way to remember big dates.

• Make sure you get a caller roster or phone numbers for your spouse's unit from your FRG leader.
  

• Don't sit far back in the room or by yourself at your first meeting. Even if you feel shy, make a point of sitting near the group so you can make eye contact and talk with other family members.

• Try not to be offended if no one talks to you at your first readiness group meeting. Depending on the group and its leader, you might feel alone at your first meeting. Be sure to introduce yourself, mingle, and be friendly. Sometimes even readiness group leaders are shy and quiet. Get what you can from meetings, be friendly, and see who warms up to you.

• Children can be great ice breakers. If you have young children, bring them to a meeting if you can. Some meetings will be open to children, especially during deployments. Check with your readiness group leader before bringing children to meetings. Some units offer a babysitting service for some meetings. When you notice other family members with young children, go up to them and introduce the kids. It's the easiest way to talk to someone new.

• Make sure FRG leaders have your correct contact information. When a service member moves to new unit, or gets married, he or she is expected to update the family's personal information with the unit and the group. Make sure that:

• Your names, address, e-mail, and cell phone numbers are with the readiness group leader (which is usually a volunteer at the company or even battalion level).

• Your contact information is on the "key caller list" for the unit. This will ensure that you receive important information.

• That the group knows how to contact you if you are out of town.
  
  Getting involved
  There are often volunteer opportunities within the group. Your FRG leader, your company commander's spouse, or the battalion commander's spouse will make announcements about open volunteer positions in an e-mail or at meetings. If there is a battalion or company newsletter, openings will be posted in it.
  
  The FRG leader and committee chairperson are all volunteers. Not everyone is cut out to be a group leader or a caller, but there are plenty of other things you can do that can help you become part of the group:
  

• Help organize or write the unit FRG article or newsletter. This is great if you want to help and have some writing or editing skills.

• Fundraise. All readiness groups do a certain amount of fundraising for monthly socials or holiday events.
  

• Deployment help. There are often opportunities to help pregnant spouses or sick family members when service members are deployed.

• Maintain unit funds for social events.

• Serve as unit volunteer secretary. This volunteer takes notes at meetings.

• Help make care packages for deployed service members.
  

• Decorate the unit area for returning service members. Organize homecomings.

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If you don't live near the installation
Even if you don't live near your spouse's installation or unit, you can be involved in the readiness group and get important information. Living far from the unit can sometimes limit the information you receive from the unit. But the military is expanding the ways it gives out information and has trained readiness groups to include long-distance spouses. You can:

• Find out if your spouse's unit has a virtual Family Readiness Group (vFRG) Web site. Many units offer these secure Web sites with important information. This site is generally updated by someone within rear detachment and offers long-distance support for families who can't always attend meetings. This is a great way to feel more involved and stay up to date.

• Make sure you get a unit roster with important phone numbers. Keep your information up to date and periodically check in with someone in the readiness group. Call just to say hello and introduce yourself. Let members of the readiness group know you are eager for information and want to support the unit any way you can. Some long-distance spouses get left out of the loop accidentally. Let everyone know who you are.

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If your service member is in a special operations or Special Forces unit
In these units, where deployment information is limited and you are expected to keep quiet about deployments for security reasons, your FRG is really the only way you will get information about deployments and support. You will not be able to talk openly to family and friends. If this is your situation, be sure to make special efforts to stay in close contact with FRG leaders.

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Fitting in and staying close
Fitting into a new group isn't always easy at first -- whether you're a child starting in a new school, an employee starting a new job, or a spouse learning to become part of a family readiness group. Military readiness groups can be especially hard because of constant moves and constant changes. Your circle of friends is always renewing itself.

But be sure to keep the rewards in mind. Military families can offer the type of support that some of your civilian friends and even your own family members may not. Other military families know the everyday challenges you face, especially during deployment and relocations. Because of your common experiences, your bonds with these family members can sometimes grow stronger than the bonds shared with friends you've had for a lifetime.

As with any group, there will be family members who are easy to talk to and some who will seem harder to get to know. Don't feel pressured to be everyone's best friend. Instead, keep yourself open to everyone and find a few family members to get close to. Here are some suggestions that can help:

• Be open minded. Military families are from all over the world. It's important to stay open minded to family members from different cultures and regions. This is a chance to appreciate and learn from their differences and enjoy their experiences.
  

• Avoid making instant judgments based on the way others dress, what material things they have, or because of their spouse's rank. It's natural in any group for certain people to form closer bonds than others. Sometimes in an FRG, family members of certain ranks tend to stick to their own kind. Be courteous to everyone regardless of the car they drive, their rank, or their professional status. You are all equals.

• Find family members with similar experience levels. Family members range from newer spouses to military families who have been around the military for decades. You can learn a lot from seasoned family members, but that group might be hard to break in to if you are new. Be sure to talk with family members with different kinds and amounts of experience. But keep in mind that if you are a new FRG member, you might have more in common with another new FRG member.

• Offer to volunteer, but don't overwhelm yourself. It's great to volunteer for a position within the readiness group, or for certain events, but be sure not to volunteer for too much. If you overwhelm yourself with tasks, the readiness group will feel like nothing but work. Volunteer enough so you get involved, but be sure to leave plenty of time for yourself and your family.
  

• Separate yourself from the group a bit, too. A lot of military family members either do not get involved at all, or become so involved they have time for nothing else. Supporting your service member is great, but keep time for interests and friends outside of the military.
  

• When getting deployment or important training information, listen to key callers and key leaders, not just any FRG member. This is very important. Get important information from trained readiness group callers, or leaders. Don't listen to misinformation from other members, even those who seem to have a lot of knowledge about the military. Every unit, company, or installation is different and the only correct information is directly form the service member's unit and trained readiness leaders.
  
  A few words of caution
  Your family readiness group should be a great experience and a great support system for your family. Although you are not in the military, you represent your service member when dealing with the readiness group. To make things go smoothly, keep these tips in mind:
  

• Try not to compare yourself to others. A lot of military families feel separate from others in their unit, because of their service member's rank or other differences. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel like an outsider. Everyone has different experiences and no one is better than or inferior to you or your service member. It is important to remember that spouses do not wear a rank. No matter what your service member's rank is, you are no greater or less than any other family member.
  

• Make sure you don't complain about the new unit in front of other FRG members. It's important to realize that although you yourself are not in the military, in a way you represent your service member in social settings. By complaining about training, deployments, or certain members in the unit, you can make life difficult for you and your service member.
  

• Ignore the rumor mill. Like any large group of people, there are bound to be a few FRG members who do gossip about other family members or even about other service members. Be polite, but don't join in on the talk. Sometimes this gossip hurts reputations, marriages, and even careers.

• Keep your own identity. Readiness groups are the best way to get support from the military. But try to make sure you keep your own identity within the group. Get involved, go to socials, and volunteer, but remember that you don't have to be like everyone else in the group. Don't feel pressured to be the perfect military family member. Every military family member, even the most experienced, has days and weeks where things may seem overwhelming.

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Other resources
Air Force Crossroads
http://www.afcrossroads.com
Information and family readiness advice for Air Force families.

Army Virtual Family Readiness Groups
http://www.armyfrg.org
Look up your unit or installation to see if there is a vFRG listed for your family readiness group. Also links to other FRG information.

Lifelines-Navy
http://www.lifelines.navy.mil
The Navy's official site for family information. Links to family readiness information.

Marine Corps Community Services
http://www.usmc-mccs.org
The official Marine Corps site for Marine Corps families. Links to family readiness information. Tips for getting involved.

National Guard Family Program
http://www.guardfamily.org
Click on "family program staff" for information on family readiness groups. This Web site includes many resources for Guard families.

Your installation's support services
Depending on your service branch, your Fleet and Family Support Center, Marine Corps Community Services, Airman and Family Readiness Center, or Army Community Service Center can provide you with information and support about issues related to being a military family.

Military OneSource
This free 24-hour service, provided by the Department of Defense, is available to all active duty, Guard, and Reserve members and their families. Consultants provide information and make referrals on a wide range of issues. You can reach the program by telephone at 1-800-342-9647 or through the Web site at http://www.militaryonesource.com.



Written with the help of Donna K. Finney, Chief, Mobilization and Deployment Division-USA Community and Support Center, Alexandria, VA, and Sherri Hrovatin, Program Manager, Military OneSource.

© 2006 Ceridian Corporation, Military OneSource. All rights reserved. 100306

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